I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
