Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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