im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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