i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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