I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
