Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
