help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
