she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
