Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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