My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
