I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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