I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
