I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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