I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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