I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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