dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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