A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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