I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
