hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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