I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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