ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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