my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
