Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
