Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
