that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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