I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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