He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
