i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
