bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina is officially offended.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
