first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
