I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
