ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
