i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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