I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
