he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
