so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize