READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
