just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
