Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
