I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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