My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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