I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
false alarm, still single
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
