youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
