I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
