bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
