singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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