Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
