girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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