Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.

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(817): View more from Texas

She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions

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(434): View more from Virginia

Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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(+61): View more from Australia

You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass

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