I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks