There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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