Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
