walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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