Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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