I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
