Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
