Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
