Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
