i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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