You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
zippers are such a cool invention
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
