I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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