They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
