Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am available for nakedness
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
