what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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