You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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