I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Less talking, more tequila
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
