and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
