Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
