Got a toothbrush?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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