your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
