sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well you can't waste a boner
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
