Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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