so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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