Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
