we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
