I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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